Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
