I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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