This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
