I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize