I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
