I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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