if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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