Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
