DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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