my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize