i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
