her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize