Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
