Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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