I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
