she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
only if we run a train.
done.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
