well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
