I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
