he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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