god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.