She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
