I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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