so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
