If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
