I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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