Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
