You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
