Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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