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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Let's get the cat blown out
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How naked do you want me to be?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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