Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
