For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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