So drunk, too bad you don't want this
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
