You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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