I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
