ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
