just survived the first fart of the relationship.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
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I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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