If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am midnight drunk by noon
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
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she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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