I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
