Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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