I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
