***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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