Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
