puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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