Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
