Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
