He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
