I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
