Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
