Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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