You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
