She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
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Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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