I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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