i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
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That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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