I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you had me at cake vodka
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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