My pussy is not your playground.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
