Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
