as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
