Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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