She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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