I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
