Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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