you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
did i walk over a car last night?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
