i permit you to call me
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
