I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
