At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
