Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
